And Then
by Liv Wilder
Summary: "You were right," she declared determinedly, flint sparking in her eyes, her honesty catching, suddenly ablaze. Her partner frowned, questioning. "The other day at my apartment, you were right." 5x01 insert for After The Storm. One-shot. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I'm not sure what this is exactly. I've never really liked their morning after chat in "After The Storm," so I guess it's a re-worked, extended version of that. Anyway, you can make your own mind up._

* * *

 _And then all that has divided us will merge._  
 _And then compassion will be wedded to power_  
 _And then softness will come to a world that is harsh and unkind._  
 _And then both men and women will be gentle._

 _\- The Merger Poem by Judy Chicago_

* * *

Castle sat bolt upright in bed, momentarily blinded when lightening flashed outside, painting the walls and floor an icy blue. Rain streaked down the windowpanes, blurring the outside world from view. He looked around the room, fruitlessly checking the dishevelled bed, disappointed to find himself alone, until the door creaked open and Beckett entered, appearing as if summoned, barefoot, wearing only his shirt, and Castle smiled.

"Made you coffee," she said, her voice soft and cautious as her steps towards him. She moved ever closer, soundless as an apparition, carrying a simple white mug in each hand.

"Middle of the night?" he mumbled in surprise, regretting these words the instant Kate Beckett's tentative smile disappeared from her beautiful, make-up free face.

She stuttered to a halt by the bed. "You…you don't want—" Kate set the cups down on his nightstand and shook her head, frowning to herself. "Of course, I'm being…it's stupid."

"Hey, no. Hand me a cup. Please?" he gestured. "Beckett, please? I can drink coffee. Middle of the night or not. Specially if it's made by you."

He offered up a brave, encouraging smile that drew a gratifying puff of laughter from her lips.

"Castle, that was cheesy. Even for you." But she was still pleased, he could tell by the glow on her cheeks and the light in her eyes.

Beckett handed Castle a coffee cup and then she sat down on the edge of the bed, perched really, shy and uncertain. The silence in the near-dark bedroom was salted over - a new crust of awkwardness both understood but neither knew how to break through. At least at first.

Eventually, Castle went ahead, bravely cracking it open. "So…it wasn't a dream."

"No. You definitely…" Kate giggled, hugging her mug, "weren't dreaming."

She took a sip and set her cup aside to slide beneath the covers next to him, figuring it was better to be shoulder-to-shoulder with her partner than staring him in the eye, for this next part at least. Simple and beautiful as tonight had been, messy they were yet, if truth be told.

"Hey…you're on-board with this, right? It's not some "Oh, I—I quit my job, I almost died, I'm in crisis" thing?"

Kate looked a little shaken, as if the thought had never entered her head. "No. Not for me."

"Okay. Me neither," Castle agreed with a relief that settled them both.

"Okay. Good."

"Can—"

Her heart lurched once more. "What?"

"Can we just talk about something?"

"Sure." Kate sipped her coffee, letting her heartbeat fall back in step with the tick of the clock, preparing to open herself up to all and any line of questioning her partner might have. After everything they'd been through in the last twenty-four hours, she surely owed him that.

"Just now, when I asked if you were on board with this, I meant—"

She laid her hand on his sheet-covered thigh and squeezed gently, the muscle impressively hard beneath her fingers even as he sat like this, still and relaxed. "Castle, I know you have questions. Maybe let me help you out for once?"

Castle looked a little doubtful. "Okay, but…I do want to talk about this stuff."

"We will…we _are._ "

Castle still looked sceptical, his features dark and strained with concern it pained her to see. So Kate took a match to his scepticism and bravely raised it to the ground.

"You were right," she declared determinedly, flint sparking in her eyes, her honesty catching, suddenly ablaze. Her partner frowned, questioning. "The other day at my apartment, you were right."

"About?"

" _Everything._ You summed me up _so_ perfectly," she laughed a watery laugh. "My mother would have high-fived you or hugged you or something for that alone."

Castle chuckled quietly and straightened the comforter, pleased, oh so pleased to hear her say a thing like that: such an honest, generous thing to say.

"Still, I wish I hadn't abandoned you like that." His shame unfurled inside, a close relative of cowardice; a trait he'd fought his adult life to quash.

"You loved me too much to stand around and watch me get killed. I understand that now. I've been like an addict with this case. _Her case_. You can't help an addict if they don't want to help themselves."

"So I hear."

Kate nodded solemnly. "I've been through it with my dad. Believe me, it's true."

He squeezed her arm. "I'm sorry, Kate..." But she waved his apology away.

"When my mom was murdered we both allowed ourselves to become consumed by different addictions. Both found different ways to numb the pain. But we're the same, he and I."

"No. There are a thousand different ways to deal with the terrible loss you suffered, Kate. Not all of them right for everyone. You did your best. You found a productive way of coping and you helped hundreds of others along the way." He argued for her.

She felt for his hand on top of the covers, gripped it hard. "But I nearly lost you in the process."

Castle turned to look at her, his naked shoulders whispering across the pillow. "I was angry, and, yes, I walked away. But that was fear talking. I was protecting myself because I felt like I could no longer protect you. I'd like to hope we'd have come back to one another after cooling off for a day or two."

"I hope so too." She looked so small, he wanted just to hold her and never let her go.

He tucked and unruly curl of hair behind her ear, revelling in his right to this simple, tender gesture. "Hey, I might be an idiot a lot of the time, but I'm not too big of an idiot to realize what I believe I've found in you. Tonight just confirmed it," he said, allowing himself a wolfish grin for the first time. "We were… _spectacular!_ " he boasted loudly, revealing their secrets to the luxury of his own four walls.

Kate bit her lip to stifle a smile and plucked at the hem of Castle's shirt. "We've been dancing around one another for a long time, haven't we?" She glanced at him shyly.

"We're good dancers."

She raised her eyebrows. "We've had a lot of practice over the years."

He nudged his shoulder against hers, playful and forgiving. "You make an excellent partner."

She smiled with him. "You too. But…"

"What? What is it?"

"I don't want to pretend anymore. I've never felt this safe with anyone before. It's never felt so... _right_ …so… _destined_." She looked him in the eye. "Don't dare laugh right now."

Castle shook his head solemnly. "More than my life's worth." He relaxed enough to let a softness work its way onto his face, the beginnings of another smile. He couldn't mask his joy for long.

"Good. Because no matter how hard it is to find the words, I feel like I have to say these things. You've kept the faith, Castle. You kept us afloat when I seemed intent on sinking us both. With Demming, with Josh, my shooting and work. Always work and my mom's case. I don't know how you saw this through."

"Hey," he said, tilting her chin up so that he could properly see her face. " _You_ were the one who got us over the line. Don't forget that. Teamwork, okay? The Beckett I began following four years ago would rather have shot herself in the foot with her own service weapon than admit that she was wrong, or that she needed anything from me. You've come a long way in four years, Kate."

"We both have."

He relaxed back against the dark leather headboard, let silence claim the upper hand once more. The clock ticked time away and the need to talk overcame him again, left him wanting a vision of the future he felt only Kate could offer.

"So. Maybe tell me a little bit about the next four years?" he asked, still needing reassurance, confirmation, whatever you wanted to call it, after such a shaky, perilous start.

Kate took a deep breath, allowing her own well of joy to bubble up. "Well, I don't have a crystal ball. But how about the next four days?"

Castle grinned, leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple while the storm continued to rage outside. "I'll take that."

He set his cup aside and slipped his arm around her shoulders, cradling her against him so they could slide deeper beneath the sheets together to snuggle and stay warm while they talked.

Kate rested her head on his shoulder. "Okay, so I told you I quit my job. How about we place the _biggest_ online order with Whole Foods? Get them to send over like…a week's worth of groceries. All the stuff we both like, and then…"

Kate broke off to lean in close, her turn to smile suggestively, all the desire she felt for him plainly on display in the mirror of her eyes.

"And then?" Castle prompted, pressing tiny kisses to her forehead and cheek.

"And then we put this bed and your _enormous_ …" She paused for effect, eyes shining as she laughed a dirty laugh at the expectant look on his face. "…DVD collection and your cable subscription and Netflix and whatever else you've got beamed, wired and hooked up around here to good use. While we get to know one another a whole lot better. No phone, no case, no Gates, no guys to interrupt. How does that sound?"

"Can we get mac 'n' cheese?"

Kate laughed, tears in her eyes at this familiar silliness that would forever exist between them, as she wound her arms even tighter around her partner. "Sure. We can do that," she promised, resting her head on his chest.

"Then it sounds like the best plan ever," he agreed, carrying her down, down with him deep beneath silky sheets, naked limbs entwined, until the storm was no more than background noise above their heads, and his lips met hers and her tongue drew a moan from them both that would rival any rumble of thunder outside.

The world was them and only them for now. And then...

 _Thank you for reading._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: A few readers thought the discussion in chapter one between Castle and Beckett merely scratched the surface, that there was more ground to cover. I was having a new boiler installed yesterday, no heating again, bored and stuck indoors, so I wrote chapter 2 with input from WRTRD, CaskettFan5 and BingBlot. Thank you guys!_

* * *

Two days passed, and yet to leave the loft. They lay in bed as dawn broke on day three, freshly squeezed orange juice positively radiating vitamin C on a tray between their legs, croissant flakes leaving buttery marks on plates and fingertips and lips, until...

"Mm, more kisses?" Kate sighed, happy and sated, her kiss a curvy smile against her partner's happy mouth.

"Lots more kisses," Castle hummed, adding, "compulsory," in a sleepy mumble as he sealed his mouth to hers again before tearing off a chunk of pain au chocolat and popping it between Kate's glistening lips.

"Trying to fatten me up, Mr. Castle?"

"Ha!" Castle laughed. "Got a long way to go before that happens. Besides, you need to keep your strength up."

"Mm," she hummed, amused and intrigued. "Plans I should know about?"

Castle winked. "Always scheming, Beckett. You should know that by now."

She sat up straighter in bed, smoothing down the covers, to announce, "Actually... _I_ have an idea."

"More coffee?" Castle asked, hovering the pot over her empty mug, eyebrows dancing as he urged, "Do tell."

"We need to go out. Get some fresh air."

"Leave this _bed?_ " He sounded appalled by the idea and it made Kate laugh.

She choked on some pastry flakes and had to wash them down with OJ while Castle patted her back.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Yes, leave this bed." She had to laugh again at Castle's horrified expression. "I'm not suggesting we leave forever."

"Better not be," Castle grouched, tugging her closer to him so that she slid helplessly across the mattress, giggling like a girl.

"No. Just hear me out. We've been eating and sleeping and—"

"Fu—"

Kate covered his mouth with her hand. "Yes, that too. And we must've watched close to a third of your DVD collection…"

Castle shook his head, playfully tugging on the front of her sleep shirt. "Nope. I've got more than double the quantity you've already seen stored in my office."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Whatever. But you are _not_ getting out of this by tempting me with more movies, Castle. We are _going_ for a walk," she said sternly.

They needed to talk more than they already had. She knew it, and she could sense that he needed to as much as she felt he was owed an explanation from her.

An hour later, showered and dressed in actual clothes for the first time in a couple of days, they hit the street.

"Which way?" Kate asked, looking left on Broome towards Broadway and then right along Crosby.

It felt strange being outside again after holing up in his apartment for a couple of days to decompress and get used to being together, with only movie characters for company.

"Hey, this walk was your idea," he teased, hands jammed deep in the pockets of his jacket, refusing anything to do with the actual planning. "The city is yours to do with as you wish, Beckett. As am I," he added, with a predatory grin.

She looked around for a moment, weighed up crowds, noise, neighborhood potential, and then made a choice. "Fine. Crosby it is," she said, turning north-east and crossing on green.

Castle hurried after her just as the walk signal began counting down the remaining seconds.

They bumped shoulders and arms for the first half block, apologizing to one another several times over as they squeezed awkwardly between other pedestrians, advancing couples and parked cars, skirting broken bits of sidewalk, and row after row of SoHo street traders with their foldout tables full of movie scripts, costume jewelry and knock-off sunglasses.

Eventually their unease around one another got too much for Kate. They did this all the time – walked side-by-side - in this city. They'd walked to and around countless crime scenes, to dinners, lunch and breakfast, back and forth to her car and around the precinct. So why did walking beside her partner on a Manhattan street in _his_ neighborhood suddenly feel so odd? Time to normalize things.

Kate breached the few inches of space between them, taking his hand when they paused at the next corner. She felt Castle's fingers go stiff in her own for a beat or two before she risked glancing up at him. She smiled, gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, only relaxing fully when she felt a light pressure of reciprocation.

"Okay?" she asked, broadening her smile.

"Great," Castle beamed back, jauntily leading them across the street as they bisected Spring and headed on towards Prince.

"So…" she began, having to lift her voice to be heard over the sound of a reversing garbage truck.

"Huh?" Castle asked, drawing her closer, like a balloon on a string, with a gentle draw on her hand.

A 'Police Line – Do Not Cross' sawhorse (oh, the irony) blocked their path along the sidewalk outside the MoMA Design store, the heavy-duty, wooden barrier left there from some event or tragedy passed. He dropped her hand when the sidewalk got too narrow. But before Kate could protest, he slipped his arm around her shoulders and drew her into his side.

"Okay?" he checked, his turn to do so.

"Great," she nodded, bumping her head off his shoulder to note her approval.

"So…you were saying?" Castle asked, as she felt the heat from his body begin leeching into hers.

"Uh, yeah. We…well, I know you wanted to talk. Middle of the night when…the whole coffee thing," she smiled sheepishly, waving her free hand in front of her.

"Ah, yes. Your idea of midnight snacking could use some work, Beckett. But we can fix that. Don't worry," he teased.

"Yeah, so anyway. I thought maybe being out here we could talk some more. We didn't exactly get much talking done at home," she pointed out, flashing him a coy, loaded glance.

"Kinda busy, Beckett," he winked. "Mouths were working, but I don't recall any actual words coming out. Except maybe when you screamed my name," he crowed to make her laugh.

Kate shook her head. "That's kind of my point," she grinned, nudging him in the ribs, feeling her face flush at the same time.

"You're blushing," he teased, delighted, giving her a squeeze. "Never thought I'd see Kate Beckett blush."

"Well, there's a lot of _you_ I never thought I'd see either," she lobbed back, making Castle laugh hard enough that a little girl stopped to stare, dragging her mother to a surprise halt in front of them.

"Why is that man laughing so loud?" she asked her mother in high squeaky tones, raising her tiny hand to point at him.

The lady looked at Castle and Beckett, giving them an apologetic smile for her daughter's inquisitiveness. "Because he's so happy to be out with his pretty wife," she told her daughter, propelling the little girl along the street before any follow-up questions could get them in more trouble.

Castle ran a hand through his hair. "Wow! Do we look like that already?"

Kate was surprised by the woman's assumption too, but she hid it better. "Four years remember? We've clearly been practicing even when we weren't."

Castle gave her a look that said he was equally pleased and shocked by how relaxed she was being about all of this. "What?" she laughed. "You don't have to buy me a ring, Castle. And that six year old isn't going to come back and demand to see our marriage license."

"You sure about that? You did see her, right? Make an excellent prosecutor one day, that one," he joked, looking back over his shoulder at the little girl who was now waving and smiling at him.

"Anyway, let's set aside our marital status for now and get back to more pressing matters."

"You're so cool today, you know that?" Castle told her, drawing her in for a kiss.

"Cool?" she laughed, kissing him back.

"Yeah. This walk was such a good idea, and a stranger thinks we're married and you didn't even blink."

Kate shrugged these compliments off to get back to the matter in hand. "Can I ask you something pretty heavy?"

Now Castle looked wary. "Sure. Ask me anything. You know you can. I can't promise my answer will be pretty, but it will always be truthful."

"Good. Okay, so…" Here goes, she thought, taking a deep breath. "You said the other day that I got us over the line."

"Yes. That was one hundred percent you," he agreed, feeling his heart swell at the memory of her appearance on his doorstep. Those words, "I just want you," words he only dreamed he'd ever hear coming from her. "And I'm so grateful, Kate."

She looked a little uncomfortable. "Don't be grateful. Castle, you deserved better all along. From me most of all. I guess my question is this: why didn't you fight harder for us sooner? Why wait until it was almost too late?"

Castle's eyebrows shot up and he looked at a loss for words for a moment. "Can we— Look, there's a bar in the Crosby Street," he said, nodding to the modern hotel entrance just up ahead on the right. "How about we sit somewhere quiet for this? Then I'll answer any questions you have."

The bar was pretty dark, being mostly windowless and minimally lit by fancy, colorful lanterns that made Kate think of a Moroccan bazaar. It was also mercifully empty at this hour of the late morning. A group of four, expensively dressed French tourists sat in a row at the bar, like preening, ebony-haired ravens on a telephone wire. They drank from tiny cups of espresso thick and dark enough to stand on, while tearing apart bagels topped with cream cheese and dill-sprinkled lox.

Castle guided Kate over to a soft, comfortable arrangement of armchairs and a single green velvet loveseat in one particularly dark corner. "How about this?"

"Feels like we're back in your boudoir," she teased, plumping for the loveseat and patting the space next to her.

"Me? Here?" Castle asked, pointing to his chest and then the velvet-covered seat for two.

"Right here," Kate nodded, smoothing her hands over her thighs. "We can talk better. Quietly," she added, looking around for a waiter.

They ordered coffee and biscotti and settled in for an honest face-to-face.

"So, what's on your mind?" Castle asked, hugging his cup of coffee like a life preserver.

"I think this is more about what's on yours. You're the talker…the inquisitive one, Castle. I don't want you to feel like you can't ask me things. Not anymore."

"Wow. Really?"

Kate nodded. "I know how closed off I can be. Partly it was the job. But there's a big of part of it that is just me, Castle. Just how I am. And if we're going to work, you have to be able to ask and I have to learn to answer."

"Two-way street, Kate. You can ask too."

"And I am. Starting today. Why didn't you fight for us sooner?"

"Sooner," he repeated to buy himself a moment, to figure out how much to admit about how far back this really went. But Kate beat him to it.

"I know…and this sounds conceited. Don't think I don't know that. But we've spent too long not saying what we mean. So I'm just going to ask. You've loved me for a long time, haven't you?"

"Starting with an easy one, then," Castle joked, unused to such candor from Kate.

But Kate just waited for him to answer.

He sobered quickly, coughed and put his coffee cup down, his hand a little unsteady when the cup rattled against the glass-topped end table. "Yes. Probably years," he admitted. "It was kind of a gradual thing, falling in love with you. But being attracted to you…that was there from day one, Kate. You got under my skin, drove me crazy, made me do stupid things all the time."

Kate smiled. "Yeah, I was there for most of them, remember?"

Castle nodded. "You were. You also inspired me to be a better writer. And you made me grow up. Almost as much as having Alexis did. I owe you so much, Kate," he stressed, dropping his hand to her knee and briefly leaving it there.

Kate felt a tumble of emotions break over her like a wave – anger, frustration, joy, sadness and elation among them. "So why wait? Why go back to Gina? And why all those other women, Rick?"

It pained Castle to hear her use his first name like that – sounding so hurt – because he had hurt her over the years, of that there was no doubt.

"Firstly, there were fewer women than you might imagine. And as for Gina, with hindsight? Unforgiveable. But I could ask the same questions of you. I came to visit you in the hospital after you were shot and you chose _Josh_ over me."

Kate shook her head. "No. No, I didn't. I honestly didn't. I know how it looked. But I actually chose me," she explained, a hand flat to her chest, right over her scar for emphasis.

"And that's a problem too. You do like to have things your own way. And if we're going to do this—"

"Please, say it," Kate broke in, determined to banish their years of subtext to history.

"If we're going to _be_ in a relationship, we can't do things your way all the time. I'm easygoing, but I need some give and take."

"You know how I hate to talk about this stuff, and here we are," she gestured to the empty bar, "doing it in public so that we don't fail." She gripped his cuff earnestly. "More than anything I don't want us to fail."

"Then…then how about this? If we catch the other ducking something or speaking in riddles, we call them on it. Right away. We let nothing fester."

Kate nodded her agreement. "And…and…" She chewed her lip, working up to a demand of her own.

Castle touched her arm. "Just say it," he encouraged gently.

"We're exclusive, as of now. No…no…" She smacked her forehead and then looked him in the eye. "What I mean is, I'm too old for dating, Castle. This is it for me. If that's okay with you?" she added, eyes burning with the anxiety of making this demand on the former playboy.

Instead of answering, he simply leaned in and captured her mouth with his own. He kissed her softly, over and over, fingers caressing her jaw, until one of the French guys at the bar let out a piercing wolf whistle and they broke apart blushing.

"If they tell us to get a room, I might be sorely tempted," Castle joked, downing the rest of his coffee in one.

"Is there anything else while we're clearing the air?"

"You never did explain why you didn't just ask me out?"

Castle nearly choked on the final mouthful of coffee. "Have you looked in the mirror lately, Beckett? You're gorgeous. Hot and beautiful, but also seriously scary most of the time."

Kate laughed.

"Honestly. For the longest time I never thought I stood a chance with you."

She frowned. "You thought I'd turn you down?"

"Kate, we both know you would have laughed me out of town the first couple of years. After that, I was too invested to risk it."

"Well, that would have been my loss," she said quietly, reaching for his hand. "Look, we can apologize and judge one another and rehash our regrets forever. But I'd rather live...with _you_ and make up for my mistakes as I go, if that's okay? One day at a time."

Castle nodded. "No regrets. That's fine with me. One day at a time."

She finished her own coffee and paid the check while Castle went to the bathroom.

She was waiting for him in the lobby beside a giant wire sculpture of a human head when he reappeared. "Ready to go home?" she asked, offering him her hand.

"Sounds good, doesn't it?"

Kate smiled to herself as they headed back out onto Crosby Street and turned left, ready to retrace their steps. "Sounds perfect."

Castle cleared his throat when they reached the junction with Prince Street. "So, um…"

"Uh-oh," Kate laughed. "I've unleashed a monster."

"If you're not going to be a cop anymore, have you thought what you might want to do next?"

"I have one or two ideas."

"Okay, good. Because so do I. We can trade. You first," he said, all childish enthusiasm once more.

Kate rolled her eyes and tugged on his hand. "This I have to hear. Come on. Out with it."

Castle did not have to be asked twice. " _Well,_ you were so good with Royale. If you wanted a complete change, I wondered if you wanted to retrain as a vet."

Kate looked nonplussed. "A vet? As in _veterinarian_?"

"No? Or…okay, you don't like that idea. Then what about something in fashion? You always look so well put together. So I was thinking, we could start our own fashion label. His 'n' hers street style kind of thing. Tailored, but with a definite edge."

Kate started to laugh. "Actually, good as those options are, I was thinking maybe law school."

Castle slung his arm around her shoulders. "That could work too. You'd look so sexy in a pencil skirt and killer heels. Yeah, let's definitely look at law school."

"What if I didn't want to study in New York?" she said quietly.

Castle stopped walking and stepped back towards the wall of a building to allow people to pass freely, drawing Kate with him. "You've really thought about this."

She bit her lip and tilted her head, reaching for his hand like it was second nature. "Stanford, it…it feels like unfinished business sometimes. Like I cut and run and let her down."

"Well, first off, you did not let her down. But, Kate, if that's where you want to go, we'll make it work. If that's what you're saying…that we're a couple now?"

Tears filled her eyes until her vision went cloudy and she had to blink them away. "I'm still you partner, Castle. Always. Cop or not. So…if I get into Stanford and you can bear a little Californian sun for a while, then yes. Castle, I love you. I'm not doing anything without you. Including making big decisions about my future by the way. All of this is up for negotiation."

With trademark generosity, he didn't hesitate. "I'm in. Wherever the ride takes us, Kate, I'm in. I can write anywhere and I do love California."

She stretched up on tiptoe to kiss him, her fists gripping his lapels. "Thank you," she whispered, grazing her nose across his cheek before dropping back down onto flat feet.

He gave her his most dazzling smile, the one that made her heart ache, and then he took her hand and turned for home. "This is _so_ exciting," he declared, as they headed back. "We're gonna be great. I can feel it, Beckett. Life's been out there just waiting for us."

"Well, here we come," Kate said, gripping tight to his hand.

 _The End_


End file.
